How not to raise boys

Rules for parents of sons

1. Don’t make a “real man” out of a boy. All real men are different, fake men are just the ones pretending to be “real”. Andrei Dmitrievich Sakharov bears as little resemblance to Arnold Schwarzenegger as Carmen does to the heroine’s mother. Help your boy choose the version of masculinity that he is closer to and in which he will be more successful, so that he can accept himself and not regret missed, mostly imagined opportunities.

2. Do not raise him as a warrior and defender of the fatherland. The historical destinies of the modern world, to which Russia belongs, are not decided on the battlefields, but in the sphere of scientific, technical and cultural achievements. If your boy grows up to be a worthy person and citizen who knows how to defend his rights and fulfill the duties associated with them, he will also be able to cope with defending the fatherland.

If he gets used to seeing enemies nearby and resolves all disputes from a position of strength, then nothing but trouble will shine in his life.

3. Do not raise him as a hunter, this profession has long gone out of fashion. Almost half of all animal species are listed in the Red Book, and human hunters sooner or later find themselves in the dock of the Hague tribunal. Better let him be an ecologist, a defender of nature and all those who need help.

4. Don’t teach him to be different from women. First, he is different from her. Second, not being a girl is definitely and harshly taught, even against your will, by your peers. Why would you sing in that loud but voiceless choir? Parents are unique and should be soloists.

5. Do not teach a boy to treat a woman from a position of strength after the example of noble knights and vile rapists. Being a knight is beautiful, but when your boy finds himself in a relationship with a woman who is not a leader but a follower, or encounters unfair competition from her, it becomes traumatic for him. It is more reasonable to see in “a woman in general” an equal partner and potential girlfriend, and to build relationships with specific girls and women individually, depending on their and your roles and desires.

6. Don’t try to mold your son in your own image and likeness. Even the Lord God, whose beloved creation often looks like an evil caricature of his plan, failed. For a parent who doesn’t suffer from megalomania, helping the boy become himself is a much more important task.

7. Do not force the boy to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams and illusions. You don’t know what devils are guarding the path you once strayed from, or if it even exists. The only thing in your power is to help the boy choose the best development option for him, but the choice is his.

8. Don’t try to portray yourself as a strict father or a loving mother if these qualities are unusual for you. First, it is impossible to fool a child. Second, it is not an abstract “sex role model” that influences him, but the parent’s individual characteristics, his moral role model and the way he treats his son.

9. Don’t believe psychologists who say bad boys grow up in single-parent families. This statement is factually incorrect, but seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Incomplete families” are not those in which there is no father or mother, but those in which parental love is lacking. The mother family has its own additional problems and difficulties, but it is better than a family with an alcoholic father or where the parents live like cats and dogs.

10. Don’t try to replace your son with the company of his peers, avoid confrontation with the boyish environment even if you don’t like it. The only thing you can and should do is alleviate the inevitable trauma and distress that comes with it. The trusting atmosphere in the family helps best against “evil comrades”. And only insurance gives a 100% guarantee against all problems, according to the old advert.

11. Do not abuse your inhibitions and avoid confrontation with the boy if possible. When strength is on your side, time is on his side. A short-term gain can quickly turn into a long-term loss. And if you break his will, both sides will lose.

12. Never use physical punishment. Whoever hits the child does not demonstrate strength, but weakness. The illusory pedagogical effect is fully compensated for by long-term alienation and hostility.

13. Don’t try to force your son into a particular profession. By the time he makes his responsible choice, your preferences may be morally and socially outdated. The only way is to enrich the child’s interests from early childhood so that they have the widest possible range of options and opportunities.

14. Do not rely too much on ancestral experience. We do not know the real history of everyday life very well, normative specifications and pedagogical practices have never and nowhere overlapped. In addition, living conditions have changed significantly, and some methods of parenting that were previously considered useful (the same spanking) are now unacceptable and ineffective.

If you have a girl instead of a boy, you can easily rewrite these simple rules for her!

Source: econet.ru

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