Checklist: What should parents do when their child throws a tantrum?

Today I was in the toy store for a long time. Thought “Oh! All! I will find time to write about temper tantrums in children. As far as I can, I have shortened it, the topic is very extensive. And, of course, different types of tantrums are not considered here. There is a general, but the emphasis is on the tantrum in the store.

hysteria in a child. The Psychologist’s Advice

1. We are the best parents to our children. Is always! Even if they throw tantrums, if they get sick, if we don’t like their behavior at all.

2. All children have had a tantrum at least once in their lives. Tantrums can be provoked by a variety of factors. Bio included. Parents can remember the baby’s tantrums when he tries to explain something and can’t. (This is because Broca’s areas, which are also responsible for “speech production” itself, are included later in the work than Wernicke’s areas, which are responsible for language comprehension). Hysteria can provoke fatigue, hunger and disease. (And what neurologists look for in exams is that it’s important to listen to them.) When we’re dealing with physiology, our job is to try to neutralize the cause – pick up the kid in our arms, take it to feed, measure the temperature, put it to bed. (Again, listen to your doctor’s advice.)

3. Let’s start a family boxing day. That’s the day (once a month, 2-3 weeks, every family has their own way) when we can buy what’s on the wish list beforehand – in the price range we can now afford. If we don’t go to the store on Boxing Day, we remind the child and say that today we can only take a picture and write down a wish. We won’t buy, are you ready for that? And we seal the deal with a handshake.

4. When a child wants to buy something, they don’t necessarily need that item, often just the possibility of owning a toy or remembering the joy of owning a toy is important to them.Oh. It is often important for him to feel that my wish is important and can be realized. Therefore we can offer to take a photo of the toy. (I have about 50 photos of toys on my phone that my daughter doesn’t even remember)

5. It’s natural for young children to run around, picking up things, tearing down shelves and sweeping everything in their path. It is important that the child is in the wagon and his hands should be busy – with the wheel of the wagon, with his home toys. Bring water to the store. Clothing, especially near the neck, should be unbuttoned, in places where tension may appear, it is better not to put on non-tight clothes.

6. When we walk into the toy store, we often don’t realize how our own “inner child” is activated, wanting something for themselves. It is important to remember that we are adults. Otherwise we have no contact and cannot follow our child’s signals. The toy store is a place full of irritants. The place itself is a provocateur.

7. It makes no sense if a child under 7 years old says: “Look, it costs 700 here and 400 in the online shop”. Here it is important for us to shift our adult rationality in favor of contact with the emotions and needs of the child. Possible variant. But it’s important that it’s sincere. “I also really liked this machine and I really, really want to buy it for you and I’m sad I can’t do it at the moment. You have tears in your eyes, I’m upset too, but we’re going to buy a toy here (you can literally open an online store site). In the meantime we will take a picture of this machine. It is important to us, very important, to show respect for the child’s feelings. It doesn’t matter how old the child is.

8. The child is not allowed to choose more than 2 objects. When we tell him “Choose what you want!”. We provoke hysteria.

9. What we want, strong emotions, strong pain, every capture is dominant. “Dominant” can be one. We only endure a strong “irritant”. For example, a child demands “buy this”. “That” is his “dominant”. All rational (and especially emotional) words: “Well, think about why you need” that”, well, you have so many“ these ”(cars, dolls …), well, what are you going to do with that you are an egoist, only think of yourself – they only supply fuel to the same “dominant”. We can do something unpredictable, like sit on the floor next to a child, turn them into someone.

10. Hysteria needs the audience and is fueled by the audience – it’s important to take the kid off the stage (take out). But please be careful. A child’s tantrums and any “unproductive” behavior are incredibly difficult to take. We fall under the power of cortisol – and often lose control. Today I saw how my mother pulled the crying baby by the hand, I was afraid that she would be pulled out of the joint. beat him up in the street. I sympathize with my mother – she did not have the knowledge how it could be done differently. And she was clearly embarrassed. But this certainly does not help the child to calm down.

11. Hysteria requires us to become banks for the raging waters of childish emotions. And here our stability is important, our memory of ourselves – I am huge, I can contain and cope with everything that is in the child. If the child allows it – it is important to hug it, touch it, lower the volume and rate of speech – for many children – this immediately becomes “shore”

12. To all advisors, to everyone who looks at us sternlywho says “Too bad, we’ll bring you to us”, we can say politely (the child is learning from us every moment). “Thanks” (this allows us to calm down) I can handle it (This shows the child that we own the situation). We will never give our child to anyone. (This is how we neutralize one of the child’s greatest fears).

13. After everyone has settled down, some kind of family ritual of reconciliation is important.

Possible algorithm:

1. Stabilize yourself. Be sustainable yourself.

2. Keep in touch with the child. Don’t break contact.

3. Remember that a child throwing a tantrum will not hear our admonitions, threats, and teachings. Support the child’s feelings. (Name the child’s feeling). To speak honestly about your feelings (I would love to buy you anything in the world, and I’m sad myself right now)

4. If manipulation is involved, speak up, hear the need, but make it clear the manipulation will not work..

5. If the child is small, refocus attention It’s a kind of parental manipulation.

6. Only after contact is restored, after the child’s need has been heard, recognized – You can start a rational dialogue.

7. Tantrums have momentum – It can’t stop right away.

8. Think, develop practices on what to do after tantrumsand when the hysteria itself was over, and the sediment remained on all.

Source: econet.ru

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